2 posts tagged “baby”
It’s official—“Auntie Flow” arrived today. Once again I must sigh (with some relief). As of late, the sigh is the concrete evidence of the results this month, whether it be the results I wanted, or not. After days of a terrible PMS and thinking my symptoms were pregnancy symptoms, I am now relieved by some answer to this less than desirable physical state (even though pregnancy symptoms would elate me regardless of how bad they might be). My PMS is rarely this bad, but this month’s long sickly phase of headaches, fatigue, dizziness, mental and speech impediments, nausea, really sore breasts, muscle cramps, irritability and terrible gas among other things threw me for a loop. This month I had it all and managed to not turn into Mr. Hyde. It’s rare that I have bad PMS. But, like irregular periods, I suppose I should get an irregular PMS too. I’m sure everyone would agree that it seems unfair to go through that, think you’re possibly pregnant, and then get a period.
I’ve done myself no good by looking for clues (like I have nearly every month) that I might be pregnant because PMS and pregnancy symptoms are so strikingly similar. I know this, yet I do it every time. However, it is getting easier. The catch is, if you’re trying to conceive, then yes there is always the chance that you will be pregnant this month. So I have to ask myself why bother so much with the other details? If I start my period, then that’s that. If I miss my period take a test and discover I’m pregnant, the rest will soon follow. Allowing myself to journey forth to my period, if that’s the way it should be, will make getting a period a little easier. It’s probably impossible to not think of it at all, but if I keep spending the weeks up to the end of the cycle looking for clues and being obsessive over whether I could be pregnant or not, the arrival of “Auntie Flow” is all the more a letdown. Plus, I’m just missing out on the rest of my life.
The challenging part of trying to conceive is making it through each month, picking up and starting again. Reproduction is a fact of life—so are our periods. You also want your life to be about more than getting pregnant. So, we can embrace our periods as another part of being a woman and normalcy. I’ve developed a habit of treating myself to something I like (Starbucks or chocolate) after the letdown of my period. This helps to remind me that I will start fresh again with renewed strength. So here’s to a grande mocha and some ibuprofen! I have so much to be thankful for.
This article is dedicated to my sister-in-law Rachel who has just discovered she is pregnant with her second child—Congratulations Rachel!!!
It’s that time of month again when you start having those “Auntie Flow” feelings—or at least you think that’s what you’re having. If you’re trying to conceive, you’re really hoping those feelings are early pregnancy signs. Yes, unfortunately, PMS and early pregnancy symptoms are nearly if not the same in nature. There is no way to know before your period is due whether or not you’re really pregnant. And even in some cases you may have missed a period, taken a HPT and still no positive sign! So, you must wait.
The days leading up to your period and in some cases after you’ve missed a period can be torturous, although the beauty of conceiving lies in the very fact that this month might be the one, and it might not. Many of you ladies out there can think of nothing you’d rather be than a mom. I know this is the case for me. And because I want to be a mom so badly, I am looking for any and all possible little clues to lead me to the suspicion that this could be the month. And as hard as I try to convince myself this is ridiculous and that I should simply wait until I’ve missed my period, I continue to look for little clues.
I don’t want to tell any woman who wants to conceive to just relax and wait. I certainly have not been relaxed. It’s all very normal to be anxious. And, even the more out-of-touch woman will exhibit some anxiety before and elation after discovering she’s pregnant for the first time. However, in all of my reading on pregnancy and health I have come to understand that the more relaxed you are about getting pregnant the better your chances are for conception. It also makes the journey to pregnancy all the more grand when you are going it with ease and confidence.
Like me, some of you may be in your thirties and trying to conceive for the first time. There are theories that hover around you that it may take longer and be more difficult because you are older. This makes it doubly hard to take the journey in stride. Most doctors will tell you to plan on trying for at least a year before having any real concerns. The key is—you must be trying and that may mean having sex as frequently as every other day of the month. In addition to having sex very regularly, you have to also take into consideration any other circumstances that could interfere with your chances that month. Maybe you’re having regular sex but you’re also under a great deal of stress in a new job. Maybe you’ve been sick or practicing not so good health habits. There are a good many factors that could affect your ability to conceive in any given month. The point is to recognize the normalcy of setbacks in the face of the anxiousness.
To make the setbacks easier I might suggest you relieve yourself of doing all the little extra procedures besides what’s most necessary and that is having sex. What I mean is, unless you’ve been told by your healthcare provider that you or your spouse have low fertility or any other complications that could delay your chances of getting pregnant, it’s probably best you avoid the expense of fertility monitors, basal body temperature thermometers and other gadgets that give you a too-close-for-comfort view of your cervix. Some women who are trying to get pregnant may go to extremes in trying to achieve pregnancy. There are women who go as far as to check, with their fingers, the position of their cervix so as to know the most fertile time to have sex. Some will analyze their cervical mucus (which is really gross if you ask me). Some may even stand on their heads after sex with the hope they can make the sperm swim faster toward their fallopian tubes. A good rule of thumb might be that the less you know about signs and the intricate workings of your biological clock, the better. It’s one thing to be self-aware, but it’s another thing to try and be God.
Going to such lengths to achieve pregnancy can be very stressful because you come to a point when you are no longer natural about the process—you’re mechanical, obsessive, and maybe a little insane. It’s best to nurture your road to conception rather than develop a mechanical and impersonal one. Otherwise, you become too preoccupied by a sign or a symptom. My husband Dave said to me on more than one occasion during one of my obsessive modes: “First and foremost, this is about you and me.” So, in the equation You + Me = baby, baby is the grand result of two people who love each other and who are not just trying to get pregnant.
In theory, any woman who is trying to conceive should have regular sex before and after ovulation-- that means you’re having A LOT OF SEX. If you’d rather not try to pinpoint exactly when you’re ovulating, then regular sex throughout the month is necessary (except when you’re on your period of course). In due time, this natural approach will bring about positive end results. The road to conception can be physically and mentally exhausting, but your chances for pregnancy are pretty good with regular sex and less stress. Dave and I have adopted this approach (and are having fun in the process!), and we hope for the best in the coming months.
